A Fork in the Road
by Eewahc
Summary: After Hermione Granger was turned into a pudding cup and badger, she is reincarnated into a vampire. This is where she meets Spike, a bad boy on the run. The only problem is... Buffy. V. random and funny


(A/N- Heyya! This is a story the four of us made up while helping out with kids vote. We love it this much, and we hope that you do too. Please R/R, if you don't... I will bite your head off, you Quixote!)  
  
Hermione Granger was very stupid because she didn't like rice. Which was unfair, for rice has always liked her. This made the rice sad, and it killed her. RA! However, her evil boyfriend, Neville Longbottom, resurrected her from the dead, but only as a gargantuan cup of tapioca pudding.   
  
Since he was evil, obviously he enjoyed seeing his girlfriend as a cup of tapioca pudding. And also since he was evil, he...was on the run...from the good people, the Aurors. He also, since he was evil, had an affair with an evil person, Pansy Parkinslut author coughs I mean Pansy Parkinson. Right then. She was evil too, so she killed him and took the gargantuan cup of tapioca pudding...aka Hermione Granger...hostage.   
  
She blackmailed Harry Potter, saying she had his all-time love in a cup of pudding. Harry did not believe her, so he told her to... um...well it isn't polite. But then, the gargantuan pudding cup started flinging little bits of rotten pudding at Parkinson. The reason it was rotten is because Hermione has been out of a fridge for over 24 hours, causing the pudding to spoil. Parkinson realized it and started heading towards the kitchen to put her in a fridge. Hermione screamed with protest, but the rice muffled her cries.   
  
Pansy cheered the rice on, with fervor appropriate for rice cheerers. Badness! Well, Hermoine, aka, tapioca pudding, wasn't going to take this sitting down, even though she had no legs, so she could not have sat down anyway. She put Parkinslut in the oven, where she baked and turned into an apple turnover, which Hermione ate. You see, even though she had no legs, she had arms.   
  
Just then, Ron came and "saved" her, and since this is NOT a Hermione/Ron fic, they did not kiss. HA! They did not kiss because Ron has an abnormal fetish for tapioca pudding, and had a deep, dark desire to eat her. So he did. However, he did not think of the fact that Hermione was extremely stupidly evil, and that would make her taste very bad. He promptly barfed her up all over the carpet.   
  
Ginny came in at that very moment, and saw what happened. Unfortunately, she was busy being possessed by the devil, and he forced her to consume the vomit. She did so, and died. So now there were TWO dead people, not just one.   
  
Dumbledore was totally pissed, so he blew up Hogwarts, and Hermione came back to life in the form of a badger with 16 toes. Hermione found it quite difficult to walk, so she got Draco, her secret lover, to cut off 6 of her toes. Hermione said thank you and hobbled away to get some pudding.   
  
Draco then took Hermione's 6 toes and worshiped them in many, peanut butter filled rituals. He even covered the toes in peanut butter and licked it off slowly, one by one. He then gnawed on the toenails, trying to get the dirt out of it. He then realized what he was doing and stopped quickly, throwing the toes out of the window. He died soon after due to Badgeritis. Badgeritis is a disease that can be contracted by licking peanut butter off of cut off toes.   
  
Now...back to Hermione. When she hobbled off as a badger, she went down this one hallway heading towards the dungeons and the hallway collapsed due to the effects of the explosion of Hogwarts by a very pissed off Dumbledore. So the evil Hermione finally dies. God, took her long enough.   
  
Anyway, she got reincarnated as a vampire and fell madly in love with Spike. They had a vampire-ish romance. I guess. Whatever I don't know, I'm not a vampire, although I wouldn't mind being one because Spike is very spexy. Very.  
  
End Chapter 1  
  
(A/N-BLAH! Nothing is of importance. Nothing. Not even Hermione Granger's very odd life. Nor Neville Longbottom's, or Pansy's, or Ginny's, or Ron's or Harry's. But this chapter is all about random people. We'll start with Spike, the very hot, spexy vampire from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Ooers! Spexy hot vampires are the spanking cheese. We ::Heart:: him. Unfortunately, he does not feel the same way about us as we do about him. But that is his problem not ours. He doesn't know what he's missing. Ooers. We are spexy ladies. Mmmm. If we could, the four of us would clone Spike so that there were four of him, one for each of us. That would be very awesome indeed. We were going to write a fanfic about the spankin' coolness of four Spikes, but we decided it was a bit too mary jane. So we'll just go on and on and on about him in this AN. Don't ask us how we came up with the insanely wondermous idea of Hermione and Spike, but we did. Somehow. So because we are absolutely crazy like that, we ended up with one very, very long paragraph rambling on about nothing important. Kind of like this AN, which we think we should end soon. So, basically all that we want to tell you is that this is going to be a HERMIONE/SPIKE fic, hold onto your seats folks, this is going to be a bumpy road.) 


End file.
